Expectations Ruin Marriages!

Are your expectations ruining your marriage?

This #MarriageMinuteMonday is for you!

Leah had a student whose husband would finish the meal, and without asking her, he would begin to sing and say the after-meal blessings. She felt so disregarded. She cooked the entire meal, and served it … shouldn’t her husband at least wait for her to come back to the table before he ends the meal? It was even worse when there was company and she would basically feel like a slave doing all the work, and getting no recognition.

She felt like this for 10 years of their marriage … and her anger just kept growing. Until one day she decided that enough was enough. Why should she expect her husband to let her know when he was about to start bentching (say the after-meal blessing)? She realized that she had enough clues to let her know when her husband was about to end his meal, and rather than waiting for him to announce, “Excuse me. I’m going to start singing now. Everybody ready? You ready, wifey?” Okay, that would have been nice, but honestly, was it worth her getting upset for so long if he didn’t do that?!

As Soon As She Took Responsibility, Their Relationship Changed

As soon as she took responsibility for knowing when he was going to start singing and end his meal, it was a game-changer in their relationship. Instead of being mad at him she realized this was something she could do for him. It became a gift that she gave to him every time they sat down for a big meal – like, “it’s OK. Oh, he’s about to sing, he’s about to bentch (recite the after-meal blessing).” She would then go and sit at the table and sing with him.

Even After 10 Years of Unrealistic Expectations, Her Marriage Can Change

What a powerful lesson! Even after 10 years of having unrealistic expectations a wife can turn around her marriage, as soon as she turns around her expectations. No one will argue that her husband should have been more considerate and let her know he was ending the meal, or even wait for her to come back to the table. However, all that would have left her frustrated … for another 10 years! Instead, by changing her expectations she was able to change her marriage!

What expectations do you have in your relationship that are ruining it?