Marriage would be so much easier with a different husband!
Join Leah with Dina Friedman as they show you that what you have is right for you. Learn how we all marry people at the edge of our growth and how to make your point of friction into your point of growth. Ladies, you don’t need a different husband, you just need to watch this show.
What are some common marriage misconceptions?
1)If I married the right guy, my life would be easier. This is a fantasy and we all marry the person at the edge of our growth. Where the friction is, is where the growth is.
- You can love anyone- it’s a choice. When you always think you made a mistake, you’re on the fence and don’t bring love into marriage.
- Whoever my spouse is, I’m making a decision to love him.
2) I need him to change so I can love him.
- We get stuck on needing him to change when what we really need to do is learn how to love him with shortcomings.
- We love the fantasy we create in our head of a husband who always pleases and never disappoints. In order to love him, it’s not about changing him, it’s about expanding my capacity to love.
3) If I stay upset for long enough, I’ll get the outcome I want.
- You can’t use negative energy to bring on a positive result. You need to simply decide to let go of the negative energy.
- The person I’m married to is who I’m supposed to be married to.
- Once there’s a commitment that this is my guy, we figure out how to love him because it is possible to love everyone.
- We’re going to employ positive energy to get the outcome we want.
How should women handle conflict in marriage?
- When conflict comes up, first check if you’re underslept, stressed, haven’t eaten etc. Some conflicts are just that we don’t have the reserves we need.When evaluating conflict first check in with yourself.
- Happy feelings, create happy thoughts, create happy actions. Bad feelings, bad thoughts, bad actions. Change it at the feelings stage.
- We need to check our boundaries, sometimes we self violate and we say yes when we should say no etc. Conflict highlights a violated boundary. Learn each other’s boundaries.
- Conflict highlights our soft spots and unhealed stuff. If something is a sensitive spot for my spouse, and I relate to it with compassion, this creates a fertile ground for change to occur.
What advice would you give to a woman who is feeling disconnected from her husband?
- You can only have as much connection as you allow connection in yourself. People will mirror to us what we allow for ourselves. We need to connect to ourselves and a husband will mirror that.
- Say to yourself: I allow myself a deep intimate connection with my spouse, then tune inwards, do you expand or does it stir up angsty feelings? That shows there’s a part of us that says we want connection but a part of us doesn’t really.
- Free style journaling works amazingly. Write everything you’re feeling without censoring. It’ll make you more present to yourself, then you can connect to and work with yourself.
- You don’t have to like what you see to commit; I might not like it but I’m going to love anyway.
What are 3 top tips a woman can do to improve her marriage today?
- Love cannot exist when one is feeling superior. Bring yourself into an equal space. He wants to be seen just like I want to be seen. (Replace the word seen with any other word like understood, forgiven, respected, cherished etc.)
- Rampaging appreciation. Commit to writing 100 positive things about every aspect of your husband.
- Before you speak to your husband, pause and reflect on 3 small positive things about him. Positive energy works.
