Does your communication with your husband ever get derailed by him interpreting your feelings on your behalf- and getting it wrong?!
Join Leah as she continues Chapter 8 of Marriage Secrets with pages 192-193 and gets things back on track to make sure you get heard AND understood!
Leah’s Points To Ponder:
- Some tips on how to have a connecting conversation:
- Choose a quiet time with zero interruptions
- Prioritize topics in order of importance and set the goal beforehand
- Express yourself calmly
- No blaming, yelling or sarcasm
- Have a team approach where the problem is shared and the solution needs to be found together
- Before lashing out, pause and calmly ask for clarification.
- Listen in at 03:50 to hear two magical phrases which can turn a conversation from defensive to cohesive.
- In a nutshell, always have clarity what the desired outcome is, which is of course shalom(peace)!
Viewer Questions:
Suri: Shut off our cell phones?! My husband’s cell phone is connected to him! He will not put it away even if I ask him nicely. And even if he by some miracle does, his Apple watch pings with all his notifications. He just doesn’t see the issue. What is the best way to approach this?
Leah: This is such a common issue unfortunately, both for husbands and wives! (Listen to our show called Is Your Hubby Addicted To His Phone?) Let it slide during the moment of the discussion, but plan another discussion -timecode 06:43 will help you with the planning so that you can perfectly connect to your husband so that he will perfectly disconnect from his phone! Hand the problem to your husband by asking how you can solve this so you both feel heard.
Rachie: How can I get my husband to speak more positively and in a more uplifting way with me when we have these more serious conversations? My husband’s go-to reaction tends to be negative.
Leah: It’s hard to change someone’s personality and of course no one wants to feel judged. Tune in at 09:56 for a personal story from Leah about how the right words can help a person change! Your husband may not realize that he goes into negative mode. Saying it with warmth and with HIS best interests at heart is crucial. Listen in at 12:18 to hear how to maximize closeness throughout your conversation.
Layla: When I have a discussion with my husband, he says I interrupt him. I only ever interrupt him when he tells me how I feel or what I did in an inaccurate way. Am I supposed to just let him misrepresent my feelings and correct him when he’s done? It just upsets me so much when he puts words in my mouth or thinks I feel something that I don’t feel. Help!
Leah: It’s crucial for a woman to be able to stand up for her true feelings. Being a good wife doesn’t mean squashing your feelings, but of course as always, how you express this is critical for successful results. During the moment he does it, let it go, but at a different time, tell him how you feel- timecode 16:45 will show you how to accurately represent your feelings without him misrepresenting you! Your husband’s main goal is to make you happy, even if it doesn’t feel that way. When he sees you happy, it is huge for him.
Chaviva: Women are known for bringing out a Power Point presentation with every point since 1902 of what our husbands have ever done wrong. Do you have advice on how in the moment to remember to stay on track and not bring up the past? I try to remember but I always derail and then there’s no stopping…
Leah: There’s a lot of resentment. Being quick to forgive means first processing past hurts- chapter 11 of Marriage Secrets on forgiveness will help you with this. Being aware that you do this is already half the battle won.
Try This At Home:
One time this week, when you’re about to bring up a past issue or event, stop cold turkey. I’ll even give credit if you start back up with it again, as long as you stopped with awareness.
