It’s time for Leah to address your real issues in another ever-popular Secret Wives Club Q&A episode, including how to do less, but feel more accomplished than ever!
Sound too good to be true? Tune in to find out just how within reach your goals can actually be!
Viewer Questions:
Shula: I feel like a lot of women (not me, of course, wink, wink) are resistant to the idea of putting their husband’s wants over their children’s needs, especially since the husband can usually take care of himself, and the children often can’t.
Leah: This is a toughie to understand, but G-d is telling us that our husband is first. It’s what needs to happen, and it will really be the best path for you to create a home of blessing. Your husband should always feel that he is your #1 priority.
Nechama: I feel exhausted from putting my husband at the top of my priority list all the time. Is there something wrong with me?
Leah: Get a journal and start writing down different things, however small, that are improving in your life since you started prioritizing your husband.
Menucha: Why is the secret to a good marriage the woman giving of herself fully to her husband? How can you give and not exhaust yourself?
Leah: Like I said before, you need to open your eyes to the fruits of your labor. Journal positive things, including every time your husband shows you appreciation. Keep working on the giving and please G-d, He will send you results you can actually see. So keep looking around you.
Aliza: How do I feel that my husband and I are partners if I feel like I carry most of the weight in our marriage?
Leah: There is zero blessing in your home that comes from you. No matter how much you are doing and how little your husband is doing. It is all from your husband. This is a spiritual reality. This means you have the power to increase the blessing in your home by appreciating and thanking your husband. You need to work on switching your mindset from being partners to realizing that it’s really all coming through him- and pray for help because this is hard! And we will talk about getting YOUR needs met in later chapter, so you don’t feel resentful.
Tamara: How can I prioritize 20 different things a day? I feel like my day is never-ending and constantly putting my husband at the top of everything is impossible.
Leah: A few things may help:
- Do less. Make a list of everything you have to do the next day and prioritize 3-4 things, and then everything else that gets done is a bonus. We would never expect of others the number of things we expect of ourselves. Delegate as much as possible.
- Realize that we live in a society where accomplishment is what is esteemed, even when it comes at the expense of so much. When you work on letting go of that need to accomplish, you can focus more on the important relationships in your life.
- Try to find pockets of pleasure in your life and expand them. Whether it’s listening to music, walking in a park, reading a good book- give yourself those moments.
Naomi: I feel resentful about my husband’s freedom and flexibility to do what he wants when I’m tied down to the home and the babies. I know my husband appreciates me because he’s very vocal about it but it doesn’t always make me feel better about our current situation.
Leah: There needs to be a conversation about logistics with him, in which you put the problem in his lap. Are the things you resent based on unrealistic or inappropriate expectations of what marriage “should” be? Women who are full-time moms SHOULD bear greater responsibility for the household than the man who’s working full time. They’ve done a lot of studies, and houses that are run with a perfectly equal split have a higher divorce rate. But you can still have a conversation about how overburdened you feel and ask him to help you solve the issue.
Try This at Home:
This week, work on seeing the blessings in your life and recognizing that they’re all because of your husband. If you can, start journaling them!
