We all are doing so much- yet we still have time to feel guilty about all the things we “should” be doing that we’re not!

In this episode, Leah continues Chapter 3 of Marriage Secrets with pages 58 – 61, and helps our viewers learn how and when we can ditch our guilt!

Tune in for the first 9 minutes or so to hear the scoop in her own words, beginning at timecode 0:20!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• The question to ask to bring out our best selves is: What does Hashem (G-d) want from me right now?
• The more we prioritize our husband, the more wonderful our marriage will be.
• There is no greater chinuch (education) for your kids than parents who treat each other well.
• Only if our husbands know how important they are to us can they truly fulfill their potential be all that we need them to be.

Devorah:  Are there any “givens” that a man should be in charge of, like planning date nights, taking out the trash, etc.?

Leah: Those are all negotiable depending on your circumstances. Just have in mind when you ask him to do something, if it’s more of a feminine job (i.e. picking out your daughter’s clothes), that it may not be appropriate to ask him, depending on his sensitivities.

Yocheved: Is it ever healthy to argue in front of your kids?

Leah: I think it depends on how it’s handled and what the issue is. Letting them see how you resolve small conflicts like what’s for dinner is probably healthy. But heavy arguments where you’re contradicting and disrespecting each other should not be in front of them. If you’re going to err in one direction or another, err on not having conflicts in front of the kids. It really depends on how good your communication with your husband is overall.

Eva: I have a blended family. My husband doesn’t always get along with my older kids. He doesn’t want to discipline them- he says it’s not his job. He wants me to do it, but they give me attitude and end up being angry with me. Is it wrong of me to ask him to discipline his step-kids if they cross a line with him?

Leah: You need a Rebbetzin or mentor to ask all these questions to on an ongoing basis because these situations are not simple. You can’t wing this. Get as much info as you can from people who have been through similar situations. A lot depends on the age of the kids. Relationships can be damaged if it’s not handled properly.

Batya: With little kids around, I find it very difficult to look put together on a daily basis. I feel very guilty about it, but I don’t know how to realistically make a change…my husband has never complained…is my guilt unnecessary, or should I really put more effort into my physical appearance?

Leah: Many important people say this is an important aspect. My perspective is that a husband wants to be adored and taken care of, and if you’re filling these needs, he’ll care a lot less about your appearance. I will say to do what you can, when you can. Maximize the opportunities when you can, and let go of guilt when you can’t. When it’s less clear cut, see if you can push yourself a little bit.

Try This at Home:

One time this week when you feel exhausted, do one sweet thing for your husband, whether it’s a loving text, or a quick compliment.