Dinner is the busiest time of the day! Even then I need to take care of my husband’s needs?!

In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 6 of Marriage Secrets with pages 133-136 and addresses other issues from our viewers.

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Letting go brings the serenity we are searching for; it is a moment-to-moment activity.
• The more we can make him feel that he rules over us, the less he will want to rule over us.
• If he shines, she shines. If she does not let him shine, she will not shine either.

Viewer Questions:

Dalia: I try to really impress on my kids that their dad is the king of the home. But yesterday, my son was misbehaving and when I told him to stop, he said, “I don’t have to listen to you, you’re not the king!” I told my husband, but he just laughed instead of backing me up. How should I handle these types of situations?

Leah: Pat yourself on the back for getting that message through to your son! There is always room for thought out communication, for example you could softly ask your husband if it would be possible to say something like: “Mommy is my queen and queens are to be listened to.”

Rachel: How can I practice patience with my husband if he continues to show me that he is not listening?

Leah: I don’t mean to blame the victim, but first think about what your listening is like when he is speaking- this can make the biggest impact. Tune in at time code 10:20 to check if you’re also one of the guilty ones! If you feel like you’ve tried working on your listening skills and you’ve tried to communicate with him, consider that he may need more time to process.

Chava: That’s a cool story about the grapes and the cobalt blue bowl. But…not all experiences are like that. I’ve asked that dirty laundry be put in the laundry basket that’s in our room. That doesn’t happen. How can I encourage him to do this?

Leah: Perhaps I can ask you the following question instead. If you had to choose the top ten most important things to you, would this be one of them? We have to pick our battles. Know what your own deep needs are. Perhaps this is a want and if we throw too many wants at our husbands, they can’t meet our needs.

Elisheva: I can get on board with my husband ruling our home. I have a much harder time swallowing that he should rule over me. He isn’t G-d!

Leah: Him ruling over you doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice. It means that the final decisions are in his hands. Once he feels this from you and is secure in it, you will see how often he will seek your influence. The recoiling we feel by our husbands ruling over us is a product of modern society. Introspection might show that we actually crave this.

Sara: My husband is the king and I understand and respect that but I work full time and am tired when I get home. He wants food not only ready but fully set and prepared with a place setting for him when he gets home. He only gets home about an hour after me so that would make me feel very rushed. I try my best to have dinner ready but it is often ready after he arrives and he gets upset. What should I do? Should I try harder to have the meal ready and set even though I am exhausted?

Leah: Listen in at 23:15 for an array of logistical tips to avoid this tension and friction! The real challenge is not feeling resentment by having to do so much to please your husband. Remember, if he is happy then his number one motivation is to make you happy.

Try This at Home:

Once this week, think of one thing logistically you can do ahead of time, to create more shalom (peace) in your home.