Is it possible to take care of your husband and your family without feeling like a maid, chef, butler, and chauffeur rolled into one?
In this episode, Leah talks with Danielle Renov, author of bestselling cookbook “Peas, Love & Carrots,” who learned the secret from her own mother while growing up.
You may be wondering, why would I want to serve at all, subservient or not?
We are already in constant service: to Hashem (G-d). Hashem gives to us constantly, and we try to do His Will. Even if it doesn’t feel good, (and let’s face it, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m looking at you, Pesach cleaning.) it’s about a higher goal. A means to an end. We serve Hashem to bring His light into the world and to maintain and increase closeness in our relationship with Him.
What about with our husbands?
When we perform an act of service, it’s not about the other person. It’s about WHY we do that service. What is the goal we are working toward? Don’t we all want warm, loving homes?
So the difference between being subservient and performing an act of service is the motivation. Do you want to do this? Do you want to achieve the goal of a home of love and generosity?
In order to love, you need to give. You don’t give in order to get. You give to achieve your goal of creating a happy home. So there’s no resentment- why would you resent serving a goal YOU chose?
Often the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but if that doesn’t work for you, choose a different act of service to perform. There are plenty of things we’d gladly do for a guest- how much more so for our husbands who share our home!
But…equality?
Sparks flew between Leah and Danielle as they discussed the finer points.
(Come on, with a topic like this you expected peaceful agreement?)
If you want to see the boxing gloves come on– check out the show at 17:05 minutes in!
Leah: Equality in the workplace is a wonderful measure. But the measure in the home, isn’t equality, it’s peace.
Danielle: I disagree! Why aren’t the husband and wife equal? Different roles, maybe, but equal!
Leah: The Torah teaches that someone has to wear the pants in family. Women today think they should be in control, but to a man, control is oxygen.
If women can let go of control and focus on connection– and use a woman’s power of wisdom and charm to influence, not control, she will achieve the connection she craves!
The husband is the pipeline of any blessings flowing from Heaven. We acknowledge this by giving him respect that will in turn achieve your goal of a peaceful, loving home.
In the end, the ladies agree:
If you want to be a queen, you have to make your husband into a king!
Try This at Home:
Stop looking at what he is or isn’t doing. Focus on becoming a better person yourself!
When serving others, always remember your own needs and serve yourself too!
Watch the full Homework episode for more details!
Additional Links:
Buy her amazing cookbook here!
