Comedy Hour: Anger Management
Let’s face it Ladies, we all get angry! The truth it that not getting angry would be near impossible. However, our goal is to not show our anger.
Anger Affects Closeness With Our Husbands And Damages Our Relationship
Anger is not an effective tool and it can destroy our relationships. It affects our closeness with our husbands and damages our relationship.
By curtailing your anger, your husband will feel safer and he’ll bond with you more. There’s a level of closeness that’s available to you when you have mastery over your anger that will never be available to you otherwise.
Knowing your anger triggers is the key to learning how to gain mastery over your anger.
We reviewed these tools before the fun began! Our actresses role-played unhelpful, unappreciative, & unempathetic husbands showing us not only what we shouldn’t be doing, but providing us with a good laugh at the same time!
Make An Anger Plan – You Can Improve Your Marriage When You Are Having A Problem
The following are a list of Tools to use:
1) Never yell at your husband, because that ALWAYS does damage. If you were being yelled at, would you do the task you are being yelled at to do with a full heart? If you yell often, you have a lot of work to do. Try walking out of the room. You can tell your husband that you’re working on your anger and so you need to walk out before things escalate. Another idea is to ask a question at the moment you feel angry.
2) Birds Eye View – Pretend you’re looking down at yourself. It’s a perfect way to see how you’re acting when anger takes over.
3) Recognize your moods and triggers – Are you unhappy with your life? If your husband is around and does anything wrong while you’re thinking these thoughts, you may use him as a scapegoat.
4) Make an anger plan – You can improve your marriage when you are having a problem, but only if you plan.
5) Resolve to solve later – Some people believe you can go to sleep and solve it in the morning when it’s brighter. Others will disagree. Do what works for you. If you see you’re not getting anywhere, you can say, “Can we resolve to solve this at another time?” You can add that you both seem to have the maturity to do that.
The Wife Is Frustrated Because Husband Wasn’t Listening To Her Feelings
Time for Role-playing – Let the fun begin!
Scene #1: Husband doesn’t help clear the dishes from the table. He gives the excuse that he needs to sit and entertain the guests instead.
Take 1: Wife insists that her husband should help her. Husband says that he hates clearing dishes. Wife yells that she hates clearing dishes too! The wife is frustrated because husband wasn’t listening to her feelings. The husband responded, ever so arrogantly, that he needs to relax and digest his food. Voices were raised and feelings were hurt!
Take 2: The wife explained her frustration only when she was detached from the actual event. She very softly asked her husband if he had any suggestions on how to solve the issue. The husband thought it was a good idea if they stayed up together after the guests left their house and then tackled the mess together. Victory!
Wife Feels Hurt When Husband Disappears to His Home Office To Unwind
Scene #2: Husband comes home after working a full day and disappears into his home office to unwind. Wife claims it hurts her feelings when he doesn’t acknowledge her and just disappears.
Take 1: Wife feels like the maid instead of the wife. She yells to her husband that she wants family dinner time. Husband yells back that he needs time to cool down and that she has to understand that. They both became even more frustrated and get nowhere!
After role playing about a husband who doesn’t “cooperate” with his wife’s needs, we learned that there is a higher chance to get what you want if you’re not angry.
Take 2: After a lovely Sunday morning breakfast, the wife said how much she loves spending time with her husband and that she wishes he could eat dinner together with the family each night. The husband explained how much he needed time to unwind. While calm, the wife thought of an idea. She will remain calm without adding to his tension, but that she would like to receive a big hug, both for her and for the children, when he comes home in the evening, and that she needs to know how long he will need to decompress in his home office for. Victory!
Maybe The Husband Is Not The Right Person To Rant To
Scene #3: Whenever the wife tries to share problems with her husband, he calls her a complainer.
Take 1: Wife is frustrated that she’s not being understood. She demands to be listened to. Husband got defensive and was incapable of listening to his wife!
Take 2: The wife learned that her husband has a chance of being less defensive and angry if she plans how to open a discussion. She could even ask her husband, “When can I rant?” By asking him straight out, it gives him ownership and puts the answer in his court. It’s actually an act of kindness to listen to someone unload. However, maybe the husband is not the right person to rant to. The wife may even consider talking with either her mom, a sister, a friend, or even a therapist. Victory!
When The Wife Takes On The Job Of Getting That Appreciation, She Will Be Happier!
Scene #4: Husband doesn’t appreciate anything his wife does for him, and the wife is mad about that!
Take 1: Wife tells husband everything she’s doing and points out that he does nothing around the house. The wife, holding back tears, said she feels like a servant.
Husband calls his wife crazy and says that he works hard to pay the mortgage on the house. Wife insists that appreciation is a small thing to ask for in comparison to how much she does around the house. Wife feels she’s in a lonely marriage.
Take 2: Wife tries a new communication technique by asking her husband for one symbol of appreciation once in a while. All she wants is for her husband to make a sincere gesture. The wife learned that G-d made women bottomless pits of appreciation and married them to husbands who are incapable of giving the proper amount of appreciation that is needed. The moment the wife takes on the job of getting that appreciation, she will be happier. Victory!
Homework for the week: 1) Resolve not to yell at your husband 2) Figure out what your anger triggers are
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