So much gets in the way of closeness with my husband…either his moodiness or screens or worse yet…his mother!

Join Leah for an end-of-chapter Q&A session for some intense and relatable questions! From moody husbands to in-law conflicts, tune in and buckle up!

Viewer Questions:

Ariella: My husband and I married each other at a later age. My mother-in-law always comments how she would have preferred that her son marry at 24 years old. It makes me feel like she would have preferred that he not marry me! He says not to pay any attention to her, but how can I not when she always says it? Her comments make me resent my husband.

Leah: Mothers-in-law, as the saying goes: “Keep your mouths closed and your pocketbooks open!” Tune in at 01:20, if you dare, to hear what a Gadol says about in-laws! I know it can be hard to stay out of their lives but do it anyway for everyone’s sake! Regarding your husband not sticking up for you, the wife comes before the parents. Listen in at 05:19 to hear how to realign your husband’s priorities from his mother to his wife! You may need Rabbinic intervention. Anything a parent does to cause problems in their children’s marriage, is an Issur Deoraisa (forbidden in the Torah).

Hadassah: There’s a very sensitive topic between my husband and I and whenever it’s brought up it always, always leads to a break in our shalom bayis (peace in the home). I’ve tried bringing it up in different ways, in different tones, at different times – but my husband and I both have very strong opposing opinions on the topic and we always end up arguing about it. We haven’t brought it up in months to avoid the conflict but I think it is important that it’s brought up again to see if we can find some resolution, but I’m so afraid of upsetting my husband. What do you think? I was thinking of involving a Rav possibly.

Leah: If you’ve tried so many times and in so many different ways, this sounds like it definitely needs a third party (Rav/therapist/mentor/whoever is agreeable for both of you). But it’s hard to say more without knowing what the issue is.

Helen: My husband is moody, and often snaps at me and our kids. If I ask him not to, he tells me it’s not about me and not to take everything so personally. I don’t know how to not take his moods personally when they impact all of our interactions, and I certainly don’t know how the kids are supposed to not take it personally!

Leah: Guess what? G-d gave you a challenge. How are you going to handle it? You don’t have to be a victim. Often there are patterns to a person’s moodiness. See if there are particular triggers that logistically you can work around. Tune in at 12:10 for examples of how to turn Mr. Sour into Mr. Sweet. Even if this doesn’t change everything, decreasing some of the moods may be a real gamechanger. As far as the kids, ask his permission to speak to the kids about that- 15:17 will show you how!

Sara Leah: My husband is going through a hard time and is often down. I feel disloyal when I’m in a good mood and he’s sitting there so miserable. How can I be supportive of him without becoming depressed myself?

Leah: Excellent question- that’s what you should ask him! Listen in at 18:29 to hear how to show your support sensitively! Put the problem in his hands.

Deenie: My husband is the type of guy that just wants to have fun. His ideal date night is bowling or a theme park. I’m much more of a candlelit dinner type of gal. Taking turns doesn’t really do it for us, as he will do it for me, but I know he doesn’t enjoy it, so I just end up feeling guilty and just want to go home. We have spoken about it but can’t really come up with a solution. Any ideas?

Leah: I’d love to know his ideas. If his idea was to take turns, then this is his gift to you and accept it. Listen in at 21:55 to hear a win-win story! You need to get rid of the guilt- he’s not feeling guilty, he’s happy to be with you!

Simi: I am a newlywed and I come from the generation where smartphones at the dinner table is a norm. I feel like my husband and I don’t know how to spend time together. When we do put our phones away it’s just awkward and edgy to go get them. How do we teach ourselves to be emotionally intimate with each other?

Leah: Firstly, you can listen to the Emotional Intimacy Masterclass. Listen in at 23:50 for a shocking story to see that you’re not alone- today’s toddlers also don’t know how to connect! Being able to be in that awkwardness is a valuable skill. Timecode 26:13 will show you how to embrace the awkwardness and even laugh about it!  Prepare a list of 20 questions to ask him, or stories from your past you’ve never shared with him. The main thing is to share your goals of wanting to connect deeper with him and allow the awkwardness.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, when you’re on a screen, put it down and connect with your husband.