Do you want more happiness in your life? I know I do!
In this episode, Leah talks with the awesome Charlene Aminoff to hear her take on the best way to turn up the joy!
The Key to Lasting Joy
Real happiness is rooted in being obsessively grateful and recognizing all of your blessings. Even a challenge is a blessing in disguise because they are there to make you stronger.
But what if you just don’t see an end to your struggle? Or if it ends, but you still can’t see how it benefitted you? How are you supposed to feel gratitude?
In this world, we don’t have any answers. In the next world, we won’t have any questions.
There is a Breslov concept: when you complain, you get more reasons to complain. When you are grateful, Hashem gives you more reasons to be grateful.
Hashem is in control and everything He does is for our benefit- so why complain?
Tune in 6 minutes in to hear the Dave and Busters analogy Charlene used to explain this concept to her son. It is so on-point!
Charlene jumps into Secret #1 to explain further…
Happiness Secret #1: Stop Kvetching
Complaining is such an ingrained habit! How can we break it?
Three times a say “Thank you, Hashem” for something specific. Try to choose something that seems bad and try to imagine how it could be for your benefit. For example, maybe a flat tire is keeping you from being involved in a car wreck. The possibilities are endless!
We have no idea of Hashem’s ways. But even when we don’t understand, we can still trust Him. We can ask Him for help. Hashem, I don’t get it, but I trust you. The more you say it, the more you’ll feel it.
Kvetching vs. Venting: What’s the difference?
Kvetching is saying why me, how could you do this to me, etc. It is questioning Hashem (G-d). Venting is saying help me please, this is so hard. Help me handle this in a controlled, practical way. There is no questioning Hashem.
Leah chimes in: Complaining pushes people away. Venting pulls them in for support and problem-solving.
What if it’s other people in your life doing the complaining?
You can’t change other people. Try to steel yourself around them to not let it get to you. Validate them, but also shed some light on what’s good in their lives.
When we stop complaining, we surrender to Hashem’s will. This doesn’t mean we stop asking for things to be better. We should always keep asking! But surrendering means accepting that whatever ends up happening, it is for the best because Hashem always knows better than we do.
Happiness Secret #2: Connect with Hashem
Any moment of the day can be used as an opportunity to talk to and connect with Hashem. It doesn’t have to be a crisis for you to talk to Him.
Make Hashem your bestie! Chat about anything and everything throughout the day.
Happiness Secret #3: Being Mevater (Giving in)
Your husband wants steak. You want fish. What do you do? Drop the drama!
If the issue is more important to the other person than it is for you, give in and let them have their way. Ask yourself if this is still going to bother you in 5 years.
Let the little things go and focus on the important things that make you who you are.
Happiness Secret #4: Don’t Get Angry
I know what you’re thinking … What? Don’t get angry? Ever? How?
Anger is compared to idol worship It’s like we’re saying that we disagree with what Hashem wants, since whatever happened to anger us, Hashem wanted it to happen.
The moment something triggering happens, stop, count to 10, and say, Hashem, I trust you. As hard as this it, I trust you. Gam zu l’tova – this too is for the best.
Leah adds: This needs to be a priority. Walk out of the room if you need to! Anger erodes intimacy. Working on it will give you tremendous self-respect and will inspire others around you.
Charlene highly recommends reading Iggeres HaRamban: a letter from the Ramban (a great Torah sage) to his son that talks about not getting angry. Read it once a week (preferably on Shabbos) and it will change your life. Click here to purchase a copy.
Happiness Secret #5: Hashem Doesn’t Want Us to Stress, He Wants Us to Stretch
We all have stressful areas in our lives. Maybe we need a spouse, a child, a job, peace in the home…whatever it is, ask G-d for help and tell Him that you will take it upon yourself to improve in a certain area. Choosing which area will take some self-reflection.
Instead of stressing over our lack, we choose an area to stretch. Then pray and walk away, https://neurofitnessfoundation.org/ambien-zolpidem/.
If prayer doesn’t come naturally to you, start your prayer journey now. Prayer can start small, with simple, informal words daily. Consistency is key.
The more you do it, the more you will be amazed by the way your life changes!
Try This at Home:
At some point, today, reach out and talk out to Hashem, even informally. Begin your prayer journey today!
Charlene Aminoff can be reached via Instagram:
