Everyone knows how important communication is, but how often do we get the results we want?

Join Leah as she begins Chapter 8 of Marriage Secrets with pages 175-179 and guides us through communicating for maximum effectiveness!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Women crave connection through communication but poor communication can cause huge rifts.
• We need to learn how toovercome obstacles to successful communication, such as:
  • Multiple distractions and constant busyness
  • Fear of vulnerability
  • Past grudges and resentments
  • Believing that authenticity is commendable (when it often hurts others)
  • Pointing the finger at others and avoiding self-reflection
• Working on communication skills can open up a treasure trove of happiness and closeness.

Viewer Questions:

Gitty: When I try to communicate with my husband about “controversial topics”, he comes back to me and tells me what he thinks as a fact even if it is something that doesn’t affect him directly (for example the kids’ schedule). It makes me very frustrated and is very hard for me to carry on the conversation. I want to give him control but I also need to be validated as a person. What should I do?

Leah: We’re going to discuss solutions next show, but to answer briefly- husbands need to be heard. If he’s not initiating conversation, come up with a list of questions to ask him. If he gets heard in other ways on a regular, consistent basis, he will be less likely to pontificate in matters that aren’t “his domain.” Also, it may be how you’re saying it. I’m not blaming the victim; I’m giving you something you can possibly do to make things better. So your job is two parts: 1) Make a list of questions to solicit more sharing for him. 2) Be careful how you share your thoughts. Tune in at time code 12:27 for an example of how to present like a pro!

Aliza: Is it possible to have a good marriage without communicating that often? We are both so busy but whenever we do interact it is always pleasant. Neither one of us is the type to have deep discussions or talk about our feelings much.

Leah: If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, but some introspection is called for to make sure that the reason is because you both feel connected without the communication rather than hiding behind blockages from past trauma or drama. As a general rule, people are just so busy they don’t make time for true communication which creates a deep connection that you can’t reach other ways. There’s always more connection available.

Chavie: I have a relationship in my life that is a little difficult and each time I feel hurt from it. I would like to share with my husband how I feel, but each time I tell him what happened and how sad I am, he tells me “I told you so, just cut her out of your life!” I don’t feel safe sharing my feelings anymore. I just want him to sympathize.

Leah: Have you ever told THAT to your husband? Share with him how you feel. It makes you vulnerable, but if you’re saying it from your heart and not trying to hurt him, he may be able to hear you. If it backfires, look at your husband and understand why he might be responding this way. But for the most part, the ability to be vulnerable is a formula for closeness.

Dalia: I always find that when I try communicate with my husband I say things I don’t really mean and regret after. How do I stop myself before I say something I will regret? I have tried but never succeeded. It’s really hindering my relationship with my husband.

Leah: The top way to control our mouths is by never letting ourselves off the hook from apologizing. You HAVE to apologize for EVERY hurtful thing you say. Listen in at 23:20 to hear an example of how to admit responsibility and show true willingness to change.

Sara: Could it be that I communicate correctly and it’s my husband’s issue or is there always something a wife can do?

Leah: As a woman gets better and better at communication (and we’re going to discuss that in more detail in the upcoming shows,) hopefully your husband will follow your lead. But he may be more set in his ways and not want to grow in this area, in which case you may need to have a chat about it- time code 27:50 will show you how it’s done! You know your husband better than anybody, so you can brainstorm, using the tools from the book, about what would be most effective.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, when you feel out of control and you want to take it out on your husband, use your “duct tape” and don’t say it.