No necklace to adorn my neck and no flowers to adorn my table…and it’s all my fault!
“The flowers look a little dead.” “This necklace isn’t really my style.” Ever said anything like this? Eek…you may have blown your chance to receive another gift. Or not! Listen in to this Deep Dive show as Leah teaches us what to do if we’ve inadvertently been rejecting our husband’s gifts and how to get those Shabbos flowers once again!
Viewer Questions:
Kayli: Even after my husband and I make up, I find I’m always nervous about the next blow-up. I can’t truly relax.
Leah: There should never be blow-ups. There can be disagreements, heated debates and even arguments but a blow-up signals loss of control. Listen in at timecode 01:44 to hear an example of how to deflate a blow-up. You and your husband need to make a plan how to work together to prevent such a situation.
Eva: My husband says he will do certain chores around the house to help me, but he often doesn’t end up doing them. Should I step in and do them instead or wait for him to do them so he’s giving to me.
Leah: This is a great question and the answer will look different for each couple. Some things are not worth waiting for if the resentment is going to build up. If this is the case, let him give to you in other ways. If it’s a chore that you won’t feel resentment if it’s not done, then wait and let him. Try to find a good system which works, post-it notes, gentle reminders or humor and check in what he feels would work.
Gitty: We have a couple who we help and often see on Shabbos. The wife told me that her husband said, “Why can’t you be a wife like her?” I know this is harmful, but my husband says it’s not an option to cut off contact.
Leah: First of all, your husband is probably right and even if not, you should honor what he wants you to do. Timecode 11:33 will give you a great idea of how to send subliminal messages to that husband. You’re doing the right thing to continue with the contact as this is your husband’s will, so daven to Hashem for it to work out.
Chana Dina: I used to accidentally reject my husband’s attempts at giving to me. e.g. I would tell him flowers are unnecessary or that I don’t need any more jewelry. Now I understand that I need to receive everything he gives but I feel like I blew my chance. How can I get him to give to me again? I do say thank you a lot, but he still doesn’t buy me anything.
Leah: Next time you’re in a store with him, find something small and ask him sweetly if he would buy it for you. Then thank him a million times! Use it a lot and make sure to keep on thanking him. This is a good habit even if you didn’t blow it. The more he gives to you, the more money Hashem will give you because the flow is through our husband.
Try This At Home:
One time this week show over the top appreciation for something your husband does for you.
