Let’s face it, we are smart women! We know how to get stuff done and how to get it done right! So, shouldn’t our spouses be following OUR will?

In this episode, Leah continues Chapter 6 of Marriage Secrets with pages 124-126 and reveals the bottom line about control in a way that will blow your mind!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• What do you crave more: complete control or complete connection?
• When we let go of control, our husband doesn’t have to grab his primary need back and we allow blessing and connection to flow.

Viewer Questions:

Myra:  I have a friend who always puts her husband down in public. We all feel terrible for him. How can I approach my friend about this?

Leah: This is a tough one as it depends on how close you are and whether she is willing to hear tochacha (rebuke). You will need to use your creativity to figure out what could work. For some ideas tune in at time code 07:20. It’s always a good idea to brainstorm numerous ideas and run them by a confidante or a Rabbi/Rebbetzin.

Esther: It’s such a fine line – men having a normal need for control or an unhealthy need for control – how can we tell while dating? What are the red flags?

Leah: I’m not going to address the dating part of this question- there are many good books for that. In marriage, it can definitely be a gray area. It’s a matter of introspection and owning up to ourselves if we are controlling him thus pushing him to grab the control back. At the end of our lives, we are going to be judged by how much shalom (peace) we brought into our home. Try it at home!

Yael: What if my husband’s will involves doing something that may harm others physically or emotionally? For example, going to someone’s house when you are sick or telling someone that you can’t ever have them over (they annoy him)?

Leah: Considering it’s a safety issue, if she generally gives him control, she could communicate with him by handing him the problem and asking what to do. Listen in at time code 17:00 to hear how without robbing him of control. Chazal (Torah sources) advocate bringing close to him what he likes and distancing what he does not, so in the second situation, he has every right to make that decision.  However, if the person is someone close to you, then again it is a matter of communication- by handing the problem to him- and finding a happy compromise.

Devorah: I worry if my kids see their father being controlling then they will be pushovers with their friends in the future.

Leah: This is not your business. Your job is to give him the respect and control he needs. If they see you supporting him no matter what (assuming it’s a healthy stable relationship with no abuse,) it is the best chinuch (education) for them.

Ariella: Are there any areas in which I shouldn’t relinquish control?

Leah: Good question! It’s a good question because yes, there are many areas a woman should have control. The core aspect to consider is if her behavior has led her to grab control or led him to hand her the control. Tune in at 22:20 for fascinating insights into this. Often, head-butting is easily avoided with a conversation. If a husband has the majority control overall, he will usually readily hand over control where required.

Try This at Home:

Last week’s homework was so crucial, we’re repeating it!

Let go of control on at least ONE thing this week.

The more you try it, especially on the little things, the more you’ll want to do it!

Listen in at 26:00 to see why it’s so great that it’s worth repeating!