Still feel like you’re running on empty? You’re not alone!
In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 7 of Marriage Secrets with pages 163-165, covering more strategies for getting your appreciation bucket filled! Goodbye, emptiness- hello, happiness!
Leah’s Points to Ponder:
- Strategy 4: The List
- Seems strange, feels great! We ask our husband to simply listen to us state our list of triumphs (no longer than 10 minutes!) and then show understanding.
- Strategy 5: The Prearranged Challenge
- Ease challenges by recruiting his support. Before a challenging situation ask our husband if he’ll hear us out and empathize after.
- There is a level of contentment available to use which only sufficient appreciation from our husbands can fill.
- Blocked appreciation interrupts the flow of the husband being the giver and the women the receiver, which is what brings the bracha(blessing) into our home.
Viewer Questions:
Dina: I practiced the prompt strategy and it worked really well with my husband but I couldn’t help but feel a little vain afterwards, like I’m working to boost my ego. Is that normal and with time will that feeling go away?
Leah: The feeling may or may not go away- but boosting your ego is fine. Your guf (body) needs to feel praise in order for your neshama (soul) to continue to do good. Our mesorah (tradition) tells us that a woman needs this appreciation from her husband in order to maximize her inner shalom (peace) and happiness. Tune in at time code 09:30 to hear an amusing example of when not to use this method!
Tirtza: I’m worried the list method will just sound like kvetching- my husband is allergic to kvetching!
Leah: Pre-arranged communication is key. Time code 10:35 will show you how it’s done! Emphasize that you’re not complaining to him, you’re just explaining and wanting to receive his validation. It can definitely seem weird and unnatural but try it! Tune in at 11:30 to hear a story which validates this method, however strange it may seem!
Shiffy: I feel like if I use the list method, my husband will tune me out, even if I only do 10 minutes. He’s not a great listener.
Leah: Pre-communication may work, or you can try writing down your list and ask him to read it and say he’s proud of you. You know him better than I do, but don’t let this go. You need to prioritize finding a way to get appreciation to diminish any resentment you carry. Appreciation ends resentment! When you take responsibility for getting your appreciation, your whole life will change.
Meira: I tried some of these methods and it’s nice to hear him say he appreciates me, but I still find myself resentful that I am doing so much. What can I do?
Leah: 1)It could be you just need to keep it up and it will work more and more. 2)It could be a dysfunctional pattern from your childhood- we all have some of those, time code 17:10 describes an example– do some introspection or journaling so you can work on it. 3) It could be you haven’t been doing it long enough. These tools are a starting point- do whatever works for you.
Shira: I’m afraid that if I tell my husband directly that I need all this appreciation it will make me look low in his eyes. Can this happen?
Leah: People today share everything with everyone on social media, yet they put up walls with the people closest to them. Listen in at 23:11 to hear how to be vulnerable without pitting yourself down. Being vulnerable with your husband brings closeness and this is the relationship in your life that needs the most. Remember, it’s not just you, it’s every woman in this world!
Naama: I’ve been trying these methods, but my husband hasn’t been responding the way I need. He’s usually half listening, on his phone, and just says “Yeah, yeah, you’re amazing”, etc. I tried discussing with him preemptively about my need for appreciation and he says he totally understands, but then in the moment he doesn’t respond very enthusiastically. Any tips?
Leah: This is a communication thing. You need a quiet, calm time (you must carve that out!) and hand this problem to your husband. Listen in at 25:09 to hear how! If you are motivated enough to create peace, G-d can help you accomplish miracles.
Try This at Home:
At least once this week, try to solicit appreciation using one of the 5 methods we discussed.
