Respect him?…What’s to respect?!

Join Leah as she continues Marriage Secrets, pages 330-335, as she handles relatable questions from ladies struggling to respect their husbands- whether it’s because they don’t act respectably, they don’t give respect or they don’t have self- respect. Listen in to understand how respect is granted, never earned, and to learn how to finally respect your husband even if it seems impossible!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Unfortunately, we can’t crown our husband king and be done with it. It’s a continuous job. Without work in this area, things will revert to old habits.
• The good news is that once change is implemented, it isn’t as hard to keep it up.
• Seeing the gap of where you are and where you want to be is the first step. You may not be there yet but as long as you’re on the ladder, that’s enough.
• Taking these actions isn’t in order to become a subservient wife, it’s to become a wife who is treated like royalty in a home of warmth and closeness.
• Respect is not a feeling; it is an action.
• Timecode 04:08 has a myriad of golden secrets of how to become a gem of a queen.

Viewer Questions:

Dalia: I just can’t treat him like a king when he sits on his phone all day and plays computer games. I just can’t bring myself to respect someone like that.

Leah: I hear but what’s your bar? It’s a slippery slope to respect him depending on his actions. A man could be a productive doctor working all day, but his wife doesn’t respect him because he yells at the kids and leaves food on the floor of his car. The bottom line is that a wife has no right to show her husband no respect. The lack of respect creates a man who thinks its fine to sit and play games all day. By holding him up high, he would think it’s beneath him. That is why respect is granted, never earned. No matter how great a man is, a wife can always find ample reason why not to respect him. Respect can’t be dependent on actions or it will never happen. Our job as a wife is to give respect no matter what. It can certainly be hard, but this is our challenge from G-d, and you’ll reap the rewards.

Aviva: I’m worried if I relinquish control to my husband he’ll become too controlling because he has these tendencies anyway. How can I trust this won’t happen so I can start to relinquish more control?

Leah:  It’s good that you’re aware of this. Often, when a man doesn’t have control, he will try to grab it. Its hard to know if he has a mental health issue or if your behaviour might be causing it. First examine your behaviour if you’re trying to grab all the control so he’s trying to claw it back. But if you are giving him control and he is becoming more controlling, then get immediate help.

Abby: It’s so hard for me to want to respect my husband in these ways because he is far from respecting me in these ways. He often contradicts me in public, he is often looking at his phone when I talk etc. So how can I get myself to do these things when he doesn’t?

Leah: It’s very hard and frustrating and you’re not alone. This is hard to hear but whilst a man is obligated to respect his wife, she must give him respect regardless of what he does. Naturally, the more respect she shows him, the more it will trickle down to his behaviour towards her.

Adina: Where’s the line between relinquishing control and doing what our husband says and our own mental health? For example, if it were up to my husband, he would have his mother over every day. However, having my mother-in-law over every day would drive me crazy!

Leah: This is a crucial point- giving control doesn’t mean everything goes his way. It means letting go of control in most areas, so when it comes to important things, he is listening to us. Timecode 19:40 will show you how to voice your opinion without threatening his control. The more you give up control, the more influence you’ll have.

Eliana: I’m worried if I never contradict my husband in public and always agree with him, people will think that my husband is controlling which isn’t a good look for him either. Is this a possibility?

Leah: It’s so important not to contradict him that it doesn’t matter what they think. They’ll see a unified couple which is so beautiful. A woman who has shalom bayis (peace in the home) has a different countenance to a woman who is being controlled so that will show.

Jenny: Since reading your book, I crown my husband king. The problem is that he has a lot of traumas from his past and he has no self-worth. I feel like I’m pouring respect into an empty hole, and he simply can’t be my king. He won’t go for therapy. Should I keep trying even though it seems pointless?

Leah: Keep trying and try different things as maybe the ways you show respect aren’t so meaningful to him. Listen in at timecode 23:11 to hear how to find ways to build your husband. There is a key to your husband finding self-respect through you, keep looking for it and try intensifying it.

Try This At Home:

One time this week show something that shows great respect.