Bonding Forever…doesn’t that sound like a dream come true?

Join Leah for the last show of the Secret Wives Club as Leah finishes off Marriage Secrets. Learn from valuable questions about when to communicate and when to let go, how to pre-empt Shalom Bayis issues and how to continuously work on a marriage in order to truly bond with your husband.

Maybe dreams can come true.

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Making your husband’s requests your number one priority is so important so make sure the requests come in a palatable way you’re comfortable with.
• A husband needing to repeat his requests makes him feel like a failure because not even his wife listens to him. See each request as an opportunity to show him love and respect.
• Saying “please” turns a command into a request. It sounds simple but it can change the tone of a home.
• Making certain to never interrupt him, serving him first, greeting him at the door, getting off the phone when he comes home are great examples of crowing him king.
• Respect is granted, not earned. He cannot be worthy of respect until he is respected.

Viewer’s Questions:

Chayalle: I’d love to treat him like a king but a king usually gives demands or requests. My husband doesn’t do either! He just expects me to know what he needs. Well, I don’t. I’m a little fed up trying to guess and getting it wrong.

Leah: Is it possible that he doesn’t feel comfortable making direct requests to you based on  past experiences? If you don’t want to guess how to handle this right, timecode 10:58 will guide you through this!

Esther: I give him control but he consistently forgets to do what he says he will do and I end up nagging. I don’t want to nag but if I don’t remind him I end up getting angry and disrespectful. I feel like I’m either feeling like a nag or feeling angry at him! If he wants control, he shouldn’t forget what he needs to do!

Leah: Perhaps the way you’re asking is ineffective or possibly you have too many requests. Post-it notes with kindly written reminders might solve this. Rather than looking at him and seeing what he is doing wrong, look inwardly to see what you can do to have a better outcome.

Shula: There are certain topics/situations that bring up more Shalom Bayis issues for my husband and I, and I want to try to avoid those situations as much as I can. What are some things we can do to pre-emptively avoid the Shalom Bayis issues that come up? (ex: bills at the end of the month, my mother-in-law coming over, my husband’s overspending.)

Leah: A lot of problems can be solved with creative logistical solutions. The bigger things need a conversation. Time for solutions- timecode 15:28 will show you how to have a conflict-free conversation about this.

Temima: My husband has said he feels there is too much is on his shoulders and he wishes I took more control of certain responsibilities in our life. How does this make sense when I thought men want all the control!?

Leah: This is bringing up a clear distinction between responsibilities and control. This largely depends on the set up of the home and who is working. But equality isn’t a good measure in the home- the more equal the marriage the higher the divorce rate is. Just because a wife might have responsibilities, it doesn’t mean she is making the decisions and taking control. Timecode 19:12 will highlight the difference between responsibility and control.

Maya: How do I know when I should bring an issue up with my husband or if I should try to let the issue go on my own? I worry if I bring up too many issues my husband will think I’m too critical of him. Should my go to always be to first try to resolve the issue on my own? (By giving it time, speaking to a therapist, reframing the issue… etc)

Leah: It’s always better to try and sort it out for yourself. Certain things will need to be spoken about but it’s about how it’s spoken about. Timecode 21:43 has an example of how to say it in the wrong way and then how to say it in the best way- see which way you’ll choose! Any resentment that is sticking with you should be spoken about but plan it well. Think about how you would want to hear it.

Galya: I can’t believe we’ve finished the book! I feel a little alone and lost now. I’ve been relying on your weekly homework. What shall I do to make sure I keep working on my marriage?

Leah: Read the book regularly either from cover to cover or just flick it open little and often. You could review some of the shows as you’ll hear different things at different stages of life. Chazal (our sages) teach us that chazara (review) is the strategy which will penetrate your heart and soul.

Try This At Home:

Reward your guf (body) for allowing your neshama (soul) to grow.