1) Laugh. Humor is super helpful!

2) Ignore Moods. Everyone has them. Be warm and say, “I understand and get it.”

3) Have boundaries in your conversations. Have the freedom not to talk about something.

4) Gain perspective and everything will be easier!

5) Food! If there’s tension, break out the popcorn maker and put chips out.

6) Focus on the good. Make a conscious effort to pick a goodness your husband does and focus on it.

7) Couch it! Not everything needs to be spoken or discussed right away.

8) Be nice anyway. Act nice, even if it means becoming an Academy Award winner.

9) Go outside! Fresh air helps every time.

10) Ratchet things down! When tensions are high, it’s up to you to bring them down.

11) Cut the drama! Yes, we realize us ladies are drama queens — but during these tension-filled times, drama should be left to the stage.

12) Listen. The tension breaks when someone feels heard and understood.

Skit #1: Husband wants to go to his parents home for a Barbeque dinner, as he’s sick of staying home and not seeing anyone during the lockdown. The wife is upset that her husband is not taking the COVID-19 danger seriously, hardly wearing his mask being so nonchalant about it. They are both combative and emotions are fierce.

Leah’s take on the situation: A married couple is allowed to have separate opinions that are valued by each spouse. What compromises can you make in your marriage to avoid making each other miserable? You can tell your spouse that you understand his/her point of view. There must be a connection and proper communication. The key to solving a real problem is to ask an outside source, especially when it is an issue such as this one, concerning life and death. Even if you have reasonable communication in your marriage, there will be blocks at times and it’s wise to have a third party available to ask advice from, such as clergy/Rabbi/professional. You can validate your spouse by saying that you feel one way and he feels another and that if it wasn’t about life & death, you might easily have given in.

Returning to the skit, the wife later asked her husband for ideas about solving their differences. The husband finally understands how important the safety consideration is to his wife, and being able to hear her out the tension is finally diffused. Success!

Skit #2: The wife has been running the home very smoothly for the past 15 years. Suddenly due to the lockdown, the husband is home all day and criticizes his wife about what he thinks is inadequate housekeeping and mothering. The husband even complained that he wasn’t happy with the dinner his wife prepared for him. Furthermore, the husband feels he’s a good parent by noticing what his wife is doing wrong with the kids. The wife is defensive because she’s under attack!

Leah’s take on the situation: After the first mean thing the wife said, the conversation should have ended. The wife should explain that she’s trying so hard and that her husband’s criticisms are chipping away at how she takes care of him and the family.

Returning to the skit, the wife gently explained to her husband that when he lectures her in front of the children, it’s not healthy and it makes her feel tense.  The husband then admitted that he feels demoralized since he doesn’t have as many clients as his wife does and that he feels out of his element as a father. The tension was diffused! Success!

Skit #3:The wife feels exhausted from running the home. She needs her husband’s understanding, and he’s not giving it! The wife needs help and she suggested to her husband that he make dinner. The wife is frustrated because she is doing so much. The husband explained that he bought everything home from the shopping list and said he was busy taking a walk and needed to drink water when he returned. The husband does not understand why the kitchen is always messy and why his wife complains so much since he pointed out that she doesn’t even have a job (not wise of the husband). Tensions escalated!

Leah’s take on the situation: This is a marital war. Husband and wife are both attacking each other and there will not be a good ending to this. The wife can have a plan of what she actually wants her husband to help with.  If the husband wasn’t used to making dinner before the lockdown, then giving him the job of making dinner each night is not realistic. There is a lot of marital pressure which couples are experiencing during COVID-19. There’s social distancing, not going out, businesses are closed, no dinners out, and the spouses have become everything to each other, having to fill many different needs. When a spouse is attacked, he/she pulls back. People are struggling with the feeling that their lives are not meaningful during this time. Making dinner and keeping the family alive is quite important, but unfortunately underappreciated and not noticed. Husband and wife must get out of attack mode!

Returning to the skit, the wife tells her husband gently that she loves him and that this lockdown is a crazy time. The wife reminds her husband that they’re in this together and asks if they can share some tasks. The husband agrees. Success!

Skit #4: The wife thinks her husband is too relaxed with the children. The husband thinks his wife is too harsh with them. When their differences were only on the weekends, they were able to cope with it. However, marital issues during lockdown are 24/7. The wife has expressed her disappointment to her husband about giving the children snacks whenever he feels like it. He feels that COVID-19 is a one-time opportunity and that the children may never have the chance to be so free again! The wife explains very harshly that the children need a sense of stability and need to be on a strict schedule.

Leah’s take on the situation: Marriage problems surface when both spouses think their way is the only right way to discipline. There are two parents and you’re allowed to have different opinions about raising your children, just not to argue in front of them. Both the husband’s and wife’s opinions are equally valid, and you need to compromise. In the warmest way that you can, get your husband on your side.

Returning to the skit, the wife gently explained to her husband that she’s willing to meet him half-way and said sweetly, “Let’s be a team.” Success!