Do you ever feel like your husband can’t do anything right? Like all day long you just see how he constantly misses the boat?
We finished Chapter 5, so it’s time for another awesome Secret Wives Club Q&A session as Leah tackles viewer questions dealing with this and other issues!
Viewer Questions:
Tova: How do we grow ourselves to become bigger vessels to receive more bracha (blessing) through our husbands?
Leah: It’s like a muscle- the more you use it the more it grows. It helps to try to always have an ayin tov (a good eye, positive outlook). Our brain so often goes to judgment and what he did wrong or how he was annoying. So be G-dlike and above nature and overcome this by spending our day finding all the things they do right.
Shira: I’ve been trying to work on being a bigger receiver but unfortunately a new challenge has arisen and I’m starting to resent my husband for our lack of bracha (blessing). How do I work on not resenting my husband while we’re going through this difficulty?
Leah: There’s an error in thinking here. G-d brought the difficulty, not your husband, even if it looks like it’s his fault. Am I going to go for shalom (peace), or make things worse in the face of this G-d-given test? Tune in at time code 4:30 for a powerful point about this!
Malka: How do we balance needing our husbands, but not being too annoyingly needy?
Leah: I’m going to give you a gift. It is fine to be too needy. We are supposed to need our husband. G-d doesn’t want independence, He wants interdependence. Neediness has a bad name. It is good. What’s bad is when being needy becomes being demanding. We are meant to request things of our husbands in a vulnerable way, never demand. Vulnerability is also a good thing that got a bad name. You can be strong and need help at the same time- in fact, that’s how it’s supposed to be!
Rachel: Is it fair that bracha (blessing) in the house comes only through the husband- is there NO blessing coming in the house in the wife’s merits?
Leah: A women’s merits accrue in Heaven all day long. But the blessing from those merits are unable to enter the house except through the husband. He is the conduit for the flow of blessing. When the wife thanks him, it opens the conduit and the blessings from the merit of you both flow into your home.
Daniella: Is this (receiving from the husband) the most important thing to work on for shalom bayis (peace in the home)? My husband and I have been struggling a lot more recently and I haven’t even known where to begin in terms of what I need to work on. Is this it?
Leah: Yes, this is it. It will stretch you, and the flow of bracha will grow as big as you can stretch your ability to thank and appreciate him. Tune in at time code 10:52 for a great explanation of this. However much you’re thanking him now, multiply it by ten!
Talia: I have a very hard time receiving compliments from my husband. I work on just saying thank you, but he can tell how awkward I feel even when I try to be gracious. What can I do?
Leah: You might want to do some introspection about why it’s so hard for you to receive compliments. Was there something in your childhood or past that is affecting that? Tune in at time code 12:33 for a great story about this!
Shelly: I feel like my husband is starting to feel resentment towards me since I’m trying to be healthier and he’s noticing it. I told him we can do it together but he has no interest. He doesn’t want me losing weight. What can I do to help him understand that this is what I want for myself?
Leah: I wonder why he doesn’t want her losing weight if that’s what she wants. It could be he’s threatened… Has she asked him why he doesn’t want her to lose weight? Is she putting too much effort into it at the expense of something else? We need more information- Shelly, please write in with more details!
Charni: How do you teach your husband to do more for you- like helping at home and with the kids- so you’ll have what to thank him for?
Leah: I wouldn’t ask anything of him other than what you absolutely have to. This way, he can use his energy to emotionally support you. Attitude shift: a hubby can do NOTHING for his wife and she should still appreciate him. ANYTHING you have in your home and life is from his bracha.
Devori: My mother-in-law keeps telling me how to cook and clean the way she did for her son. My husband tells me not to listen to her. I can’t ignore her. I don’t want to disrespect her. What do I do?
Leah: Smart husband. She’s being controlling and you don’t have to negate yourself for that for kibud av (honoring your parents/in-laws). A huge percentage of divorces today is from meddling in-laws. Something to bear in mind if you yourself are an in-law- stay out of it! Talk to your husband about how to approach him and if he thinks talking to her might be fruitful. Think through what you want to say very carefully. Tune in at time code 22:20 for a suggestion of how to have a conversation with your mother-in-law!
Try This at Home:
Spend a day finding everything good that your husband does. Don’t be his prosecutor- look for everything he does right!
