We all want to be appreciated- but do we actually need it to be happy? And what if it comes at a price?

In this episode, Leah begins Chapter 7 of Marriage Secrets with pages 149-152 where we will learn a concept that will make us happier than we’ve ever been!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• When a woman gets her deep need for appreciation met, her contentment grows exponentially.
• There are many Torah sources that appreciation is essential for every
• Often, it is not that we are not being given the appreciation we need, but rather we are not aptly receiving the appreciation we are given.

Viewer Questions:

Daniella: What if appreciation doesn’t do it for me? I don’t want to just be appreciated, I want all my efforts reciprocated by my husband. That’s why I feel like an empty bucket. I feel like I give so much more!

Leah: I hear. Here’s the problem. If you were to get all the help you need and he put in just as much as you, but still doesn’t show you appreciation, you’d still be unhappy. We have many Torah sources that a woman needs appreciation even if it doesn’t necessarily sit well to hear that. Listen in at time code 08:25 to hear how appreciation can fill you up way more than reciprocation!

Dina: I never know how to differentiate between my needs and wants- I never feel fulfilled and my bucket is empty. How can I train my mind to know the difference?

Leah: The best way is to write it down all your wants and needs and then prioritize them- check out this episode where Leah walks you through this process! Understanding ourselves by filtering out our many wants will highlight our deepest needs, leading to true fulfillment.

Chani: I actually find my husband needs a lot more appreciation than I do, although he is better at giving appreciation than I am. Am I in denial or can this be true?

Leah: For sure this could be the case. Your job now is to give him as much appreciation as you can. But that has nothing to do with you getting the appreciation YOU need. Try the tools we’ll discuss and see how much it boosts your mood to solicit more of what you need. There could be dysfunctional patterns making a woman feel she doesn’t need appreciation, but it is essential for every woman.

Daniella (follow-up): I feel like my husband’s appreciation is actually a secret manipulation tool to get me to keep doing everything and it’s not being reciprocated on his end. Am I crazy for thinking this way? I feel like he’s sweet talking me when he’s expressing his appreciation.

Leah: We’ll go through different methods so you can find one that works for you. It could be 1) he is doing that, or 2) it could be you can’t accept his appreciation. If it is the former, you need to talk to him –tune in at 16:45 for a detailed example of how to say it effectively– and then put it in his lap. However, if it is the latter, look at past patterns, journal, speak to a therapist or rebbetzin to introspect and explore how to receive appreciation. There are many tips and techniques coming up so sit tight for now.

Try This at Home:

One time this week, when your husband shows you any kind of appreciation, no matter how small, let it sink in and really feel it.