It’s time to start digging to discover how to actually get the appreciation you deserve. And we all deserve it…and need it!

In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 7 of Marriage Secrets with pages 157-161, revealing the first strategy for getting your bucket filled- this episode will fill you with appreciation!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Strategy 1: The Prompt Method
  • Sweet and simple- we should tell our husband exactly what we need to hear!
• Our husband’s greatest satisfaction is to make us happy. We won’t be happy without our husband’s appreciation and the only way to get this is by soliciting it.
• By requesting the appreciation we need, we will want to listen to our husbands more.
• It may seem unnatural or unfair that we need to ask for appreciation, but it works!

Viewer Questions:

Bracha: I tried to prompt appreciation by saying, “Did you notice how hard I worked to get you dinner on time?” and he thought I was complaining about how hard I work and got offended and defensive. What did I do wrong?

Leah: It’s not what you did wrong, it’s what you can do better! In most cases, you’ll need to explain this to your husband ahead of time. -Tune in at 10.30 to hear a one-size-fits-all technique you can use!

Aliza: Doesn’t the prompt method sound a little childish? If I feel like my husband wouldn’t respond well because of this, should I not even try this method?

Leah: It is a little childish but in a sweet and yummy way –Listen at time code 12.55 to hear a comparison any adult can relate to. Either way, wait until you hear all the strategies before you choose where to start.

Daniella: I feel like we women do everything already; now we have to work to get our own appreciation too? How is this fair? All I want is some spontaneous genuine appreciation.

Leah: I love the first part of that question -the example at time code 15.33 will have you nodding in understanding! You’re doing extra work, yes…but you’re working for you own pleasure. As far as the second part of your question, watch Episode 52 here, about how surprise and spontaneity is overrated. He wants so badly to make you happy- he just doesn’t know how to do it- he needs your help to accomplish it. This is how Hashem made men and women. It goes against the spontaneous mindset but these strategies work- try it!

Shayna: This method takes a lot of confidence, which unfortunately I lack. I’m also very shy. How can I try this method when it’s so opposite my personality?

Leah: This method may not be the best for you- stay tuned for future ones which will work well despite your shyness! But it might be easier than you think- you can start by just announcing what you did…this may elicit part of the appreciation you need.

Yael: Can any of these methods backfire on our husbands? Like should we be wary and really choose one wisely? Or will they all work – just some better than others? For example, with the prompt method, can my husband get upset that I’m prompting it? Even if we talk about it prior, maybe it will feel so unnatural to him that he’ll get upset.

Leah: Use your bina yeseira (female intuition); this is trial and error to see which strategies work. You MUST find a way that works because you NEED this for contentment in your marriage.

Chani: I’d love to ask you for some practical tips regarding how to express my appreciation for my husband more. I know it sounds like a simple thing to do, but it’s actually very hard for me. I feel like I sound fake when I’m being super mushy.

Leah: Remember that this is completely separate from getting YOUR appreciation need met. To show him appreciation, there are only two words which you need: thank you. Even if you feel uncomfortable, continue. Specific praise is gold and is best for anyone, but men will thrive sufficiently on thank you.

Try This at Home:  (This is outside the purpose of this show, but it is a worthwhile homework.) Say “thank you” to your husband once this week. Work up the feeling of appreciation in your heart and mind and then express it.