Does anyone know of a brand of eye makeup…which helps to stop eye-rolling at husbands?!

Join Leah as she continues with Marriage Secrets on pages 240-243, and reveals how to brush up and create the perfect foundation to remodel your marriage by covering up, and ultimately removing, those anger blemishes.

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Theres a difference between feeling angry and acting angry.
• Anger mastery is a slow process, seeing where we are and where we want to be can be overwhelming. Yet, we must realize that there is value in noticing our failures in order to fix ourselves.
• Feeling anger is human but acting angry is an evil trait and lashing out can prevent brocha(blessing) from coming into our lives, and of course distances those around us.
• For every battle won in anger, we lose the closeness of those around us.
• The middos(character traits) needed in a relationship with our husband are the same middos needed in our relationship with Hashem (God) and are vital to master.

Viewer Questions:

Ruti: I’m shouting less, but I don’t feel the resentment going down. What’s more important to work on, my resentment or my shouting?

Leah: Beautiful question. This is an age-old question discussed by mussar masters.  The action always comes first. So, if we feel grumpy, we should smile. Try it! Actions create our internal reality. Keep it up, your guf (body) is being trained by your neshama (soul), so reward it. Keep up the actions, the resentment will decrease, and more closeness will come.

Shayna: I’m working on anger and my husband knows this and tries to “test me,” to see how I’ll respond. It makes me want to yell even more!

Leah: This has to be handled delicately. Without speaking loshon haro (negative speech) about him, it doesn’t seem like he has a lot of forethought. Listen in at timecode 10:13 to express that you feel undermined without undermining him. It’s also important to remember that even though your husband is doing the actions, it’s sent from Hashem (God) and perhaps He is testing you.

Tehilla: I find it so hard defending my husband when he acts in an angry way. I know from your book that I need to support him no matter what, and the children need to see us unified, but isn’t that teaching them that it’s okay to be angry as Mommy doesn’t even see the problem with it.

Leah: Try writing this question to your husband. You should communicate to him that you are trying to follow his lead and unify yourself with him, but when he gets angry, you’re unsure how to handle it. Hand the problem to him by asking what can be done to solve the problem.

Shani: I feel like I’m getting really good at not saying anything in the moment. What I find really hard is not letting it show through my facial expressions. It seems pointless working on my words if I’m rolling my eyes, but I need to channel it somewhere!

Leah: I think the most potent thing to do is to tell your husband that you’re working on your anger and trying to rid these ingrained habits. Timecode 17:47 will show you how to ask him to react to your words and not your face. There is a guarantee from Hashem that working on the anger will bring more blessing.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, freeze and stop before you snap.