Question: What is inner strength?

Aliza Bulow: Inner strength cannot be defined, as it’s different for every person. As Jewish women, we get our essence of inner strength from Eve. Eve was first named, “Woman” and then her name was changed to “Eve,” since before she was a mother, she was called the mother of all life. The inner strength of every woman is to breathe life into others. Inner strength comes from channeling that energy. It doesn’t necessarily sit inside you but it flows through you.

Question: Please tell us how to tap into that flow.

Aliza Bulow: Adam renamed her Eve, the woman of all life. Instead of getting angry at her, he saw the good in her. The woman Adam wanted was a woman of strength, not a woman of deceit. We all have hard parts about us and great parts too.  Look for the good! Collect what you want to work with and leave behind the parts you don’t. Women can tap into Eve, the mother of all life and that energy flows into you. A practical tool is to have a good eye, which means to always see the good and call it forth.  If you have a fight in your marriage and you win, that would mean that you’re married to a loser. No one wants to be married to a loser; you’re on the same team!

Question: How does a good eye tap into Eve’s energy?

Aliza Bulow: Adam changed her name to Eve after they just got kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Adam decided to have a good eye and not to argue with her.

Question: Why can’t our husbands be more like Adam?

Aliza Bulow: Wives need to set that example! It says in the Woman of Valor, “She repays his good and not his bad all the days of her life.” Husbands come with both good and bad. Wives make a choice on what to notice and payback! Water what you want to grow! An example is if a wife sends her husband grocery shopping and her husband comes back with a head of cabbage instead of a head of lettuce, instead of putting her husband down, the wife needs to appreciate her husband for all the time he put into helping her out. My motto is Educate don’t berate, which means that the wife can show her husband in the future what the head of cabbage and lettuce looks like.

Question: How can a wife gain mastery over herself and not say anything mean to her husband?

Aliza Bulow: Practice! We overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and we underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade! Put effort into appreciating every smile and warm touch and you will have a warmer marriage in a decade!

Question: How can a Jewish woman tap into her inner strength?

Aliza Bulow: In the Scriptures, there are three different names of Jews: 1) Hebrews 2) Jews 3) Israelites.

The first name, Hebrews: Abraham and Sarah were called the first Hebrews because they came from the other side of the river. Jews stay on the other side of world opinion. We’re countercultural people and have chutzpah. Abraham and Sarah stood alone while they taught new concepts, and we can draw on that when we relate to our husbands, children, and parents. We have to be able to stand alone and strong when no one around you is doing the same thing.

Question: How do we tap into that?

Aliza Bulow: A mitzvah is a physical pathway to a physical pathway to a spiritual destination. We are both a body and soul. The point of our body is to do physical things for the point of our soul. Internal strength starts with something physical. I stand straight and imagine my roots going down to Abraham and Sarah, and that makes me feel transformed spiritually. The way we dress and conduct ourselves strengthens our display of strength. The ability to be different than others is an inner-strength. The second name we call ourselves is Jews. Leah’s first son is Reuven, meaning G-d sees my pain; Leah’s second son is Shimon, G-d hears my pain; Levi, G-d accompanies me in my pain; and Leah’s fourth son is Yehuda, meaning thank you! Now Leah felt loved and she’s thankful for having a fourth son, which is more than her lot. We stand for thankfulness and we understand that G-d is in charge of the world.

The third name we call ourselves is Israel (or Yisrael). We don’t call ourselves the children of Abraham or Yitzchak; we’re B’nei Yaakov because that is our job in this world. Yisrael is who we stand with and it’s our inner strength.

If your child dents your car and it would cost $1000 to repair it, why also ruin your relationship? Will your child learn a lesson from your anger? Anger is not a teacher! Skip step #2!

It is not possible to grow alone. Having friends is vital to strengthening us. Our marriages today are strained because we’re so busy. If we don’t have friends to depend on, we will expect more attention from our husbands.

Question: Since Covid-19 hit, I have become a full-time cleaner, teacher & cook. My friends disappeared since we hold differently than they in regards to distancing socially and people got annoyed with me because of my strictness.

Aliza Bulow: You must put your energies into your friendships, even just by taking a walk around the block with a different friend each week or go to the park and sit outside. This will improve your marriage.

Question: Can you give us practical tools and examples so people can take this on in their lives?

Aliza Bulow: Look for what you want to find and create mantras for yourself.

Question: How do you go from wanting to scream at your husband or child to not showing anger?

Aliza Bulow: Practice! An example is that if your child spills the cup of milk again, “educate don’t berate.” Explain to your child that when they put their milk in front of their plates, it’s more likely to spill.

Question: What is the goal of Core, which you created?

Aliza Bulow: Your inner strength only flows as you give to the people outside of you. Working on yourself will affect the world. When you work on improving the world, that will affect you positively. Stand with people, including your husband, when they annoy you. Work on your outer strength, which is creating support for yourself. Take responsibility for yourself and for your community.

Question: Explain Core

Aliza Bulow: I created Core to create a warm and inspiring community who will shine, and everyone will want to be like that.

There is a two-year training program for mentors. We support those who are strengthening the Jewish people and we share ideas on how to grow our core circles together.  My website is coretorah.org.

Question: What three things can we do today to grow our inner strength?

Aliza Bulow: Talk with G-d, with yourself, and with those around you. Ask G-d to direct you. Be kind to others.

Homework:  SKIP STEP #2!