Perfection is a good thing…right? I work so hard to have it all together…don’t I get to expect others to do the same? Like spouses, for example? If they would just do things my way, they would see how much better everything would be!

Sound familiar?

In this episode Leah continues Chapter 6 of Marriage Secrets with pages 117-121 and reveals the pitfalls of perfection- in yourself and others!

Leah’s Points to Ponder

• If we treat our husband like a king, he will treat us like a queen.
• The more we look up to our husband, the more he will be worthy of being looked up to.

Viewer Questions:

Elisheva: I am a certified perfectionist. I try not to expect perfection from others, but even silly imperfections feel almost painful for me. Any practical tips for getting over this? I don’t want to damage my relationship.

Leah: There are books and articles on this that you can read, preferably from a Torah source. Sometimes this is just a habit, sometimes it could be a mental health issue like OCD. Sometimes recognizing how detrimental it is to relationships can help a person overcome it.  The bottom line is you need to do some introspection to understand what drives your perfectionism.

Nechama: How can we relieve the unrealistic pressure of being the “perfect” wife? I understand how much effect we have on our husbands and on our marriages but I feel like we are all too hard on ourselves and need more self-love. All my friends feel this way, we talk about it all the time.

Leah: If we surround ourselves with perfectionist people it can put a higher demand on ourselves- we can all use a little bit more chill! For a story illustrating this, tune in at time code 15:45! What always has to take priority is shalom bayis (peace in the home). For a hilariously relatable story about this topic, tune in at time code 16:56! If you’re already talking about this issue with your friends, support each other by bragging about how imperfect you were because you took care of yourself- make those things the goals!!

Miri: What if my husband likes it when I take control of things (financial, household, etc.) and gets annoyed if I try to get him involved?

Leah: That’s not usurping, that’s a division of duty. As long as you’re both happy with the division of duties, it’s fine.

Shevy: There’s often a power struggle in our home; both my husband and I love being right. How can we find a healthy balance of giving up our pride and letting the other be right? Is the responsibility fully on me or is this a conversation I can bring up with my husband? I understand the importance of being mevater (giving in), but I don’t want to lose my voice.

Leah: My number one suggestion if you can make it work is to use humor. If it’s really a sticking point with you, speak to him in a way that is putting the problem in his lap. For an example of this, tune in at time code 24:24! The more she’s willing to give in to him, the more he will listen to her. We have many Torah sources for this.

Try This at Home:

Be mevater (give in on something) once this week!

Tune in at time code 28:19 for a great story about this!