A Raging Temper Doesn’t Mean Divorce
Does your husband have a temper that is ruining your marriage? Leah has the solution for you in this #MarriageMinuteMonday!
Leah has a student who remarried a man whose ex-wife divorced him because of his raging temper. Yet this student was able to not only live peacefully with this man but bring out the best in him! How did she do it?!
I Couldn’t Cope Alone And This Man Came And Rescued Me!
Leah’s student used a secret weapon – as she explains: it was his second marriage and mine and everyone told me to stay away! He has a terrible temper, don’t even go there! But, we had enough things in common that I figured I was going to take a chance on him. But mostly, I was working from a place of extreme gratitude to this man! When I got divorced I had 3 young children under the age of 4 – a 4, 3, and 1 year old. I couldn’t cope alone and this man came and rescued me! I was a disaster and I then I meet him and he saved me!
There wasn’t a minute that went by in a day that I didn’t feel grateful that I had a house to call my own, that I didn’t have to go to work, that I had food on the table, that he really wanted to be close to me. He was happy with me. He took me out to dinner and bought me things. You know, for the two years I was single, I didn’t eat out once – everything that went in my mouth was something I made! I couldn’t afford take-out even on days I came home from work exhausted!
This man financially, spiritually, and emotionally cared for me. I felt such gratitude towards him.
The More I Showered Him With Gratitude and Attention, The More His Temper Went Down
Leah asked her how she dealt with the temper. She responded – he did have a temper, but I read the temper a little bit differently. Instead of reeling as he got mad at me I saw his temper as a little boy craving attention — so I showered him with it and his temper dissipated. The more I showered him with gratitude and attention the more his temper went down.
You know, I put myself in a very vulnerable position because if he had been G-d forbid really mean or horrible to me, or even worse, abusive, I may have taken it. I was desperate for someone to save me I probably would have been willing to overlook a lot!
But because I showed him so much appreciation and because I took his temper as meaning he was attention-seeking and appreciation-deprived, I turned my situation around. And today, we have a really wonderful marriage!
So why is Leah sharing this? Not to blame the victim and say that if a husband’s temper is out of control it’s the wife‘s fault because she isn’t treating him right.
There Is ALWAYS Something A Wife Can Do To Improve Her Marriage
Leah shared this woman’s success story because the lesson from it is huge — there is ALWAYS always something a wife can do to improve her situation. It may achieve fantastic results immediately, or it may never be fully fantastic, but it can always improve by 1%!
Leah learned so much from her student since she never would have thought anger is something that can be fixed unless the angry person works on him/herself. But this woman saw past the anger. She saw that her husband needed attention. She was looking at the cup half full instead of picking apart all his negatives. She saw him as her rescuer, as her knight in shining armor. And that’s how she treated him. Consequently, that’s how he began to behave!
Hopefully we can learn from this lesson that even if we have a husband with a temper* or other annoying quality, if we look for the good and shower him with overflowing gratitude we have the power to turn our marriages around! 💪🤗
* disclaimer: this advice is NOT for someone in an abusive relationship. A wife whose husband’s temper is causing him to physically or emotionally hurt his wife or children, the husband must either go to therapy or the wife must leave. Make sure to check out our show on Toxic Relationships (linked in our bio above 👆🏻) to know when it’s time to get out.
