Who doesn’t like getting gifts? But how do you make sure you get what you actually want?

Join Leah as she continues with Chapter 7 of Marriage Secrets with pages 165-167 and reveals the final appreciation strategy that will blow your mind! Give yourself the gift of watching this episode!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Strategy 6: The Gift Method
  • Peculiar but powerful! We choose and buy our own gifts and give them to our husband to give to us. Try it- so many women love it!
• Gift giving is more about our husbands having the opportunity to give to us, rather than the actual gift we receive.
• It may not seem meaningful if he hasn’t chosen the gift, but in fact it takes the stress out and allows our husbands to give fully and us to receive fully.

Viewer Questions:

Ahuva: These methods have been working really well and I love feeling so appreciated! However, my husband and I are still struggling with maintaining shalom bayis (peace in the home). Is shalom bayis just always a challenge to maintain, regardless of me feeling appreciated?

Leah: There are many aspects- there are 13 chapters in the book after all! Tune in at 06:49 to check that you’re giving your husband what he needs…gulp! Appreciation won’t help if there is a disconnect. Having a mission for shalom bayis will focus you to accomplish much more. Work on things little by little and you will see progress!

Shevy: In the past when I’ve been vulnerable with my husband he has been judge-y and I’m nervous to open myself up to that again.

Leah: This is so common- it’s a communication issue, which is hard because it’s a vulnerable conversation to have. Tune in at time code 12:40 to hear how to maneuver around this and have this essential conversation. Soften it as much as you can and try to be as specific as possible about what made you feel judged. Put the problem in his lap- how can we solve this?

Gila: What if the husband doesn’t realize why a wife needs so much appreciation? He just says, “Doesn’t every wife do that?”

Leah: Explain that while it’s true that it’s your job to do what you do, appreciation is what helps you do it with joy instead of resentment.

Goldie: My husband definitely doesn’t know about the new dress and jewelry for  yom tov (holidays) rule- how can I tell him about it without him feeling like I’m controlling or just trying to get more stuff out of him?

Leah: You could say to him in a sweet way that you heard about it in a shiur (Torah talk) and you think it would make you feel special. Explain that yom tov can be straining (even though you love it!) and you would feel so good wearing something new from him. If you feel like you don’t need it, ask a shaila, (a question to a Rabbi) because it’s not so much about what you need but that he has a need to give to you.

Abby: My husband and I are working on being less materialistic and simplifying our life. Even though I do love getting gifts, I think this method would diminish this goal we’re working towards. Isn’t it a Torah value to not be materialistic and to have only what we truly need? Any thoughts?

Leah: There are a lot of sources that a woman likes jewelry and gold. Materialism shouldn’t be a goal, but there’s nothing wrong with having nice things, assuming you’re giving as much charity as is appropriate. Tune in at 23:05 for a personal story with a powerful lesson.

Try This At Home:

Go shopping! Buy something inexpensive that you will enjoy- it can even be food- and have it be from your husband.