I guarantee you want the answers to these questions…
Leah’s back with Guest Speaker Mindy Wiesner. We ran out of time and had to make a Part 2. Last week was overflowing with golden nuggets. This week we focus on communication and disconnection. Strap on your seatbelts, you’re about to get 3 top tips to improve your marriage today.
What advice would you give to a woman who is feeling disconnected from her husband?
- Disconnection goes deeper than the relationship. There is also disconnection to oneself, not just the spouse. So we look at the emotional and mental health and the connection she has to herself, then we look at the marriage.
- We get married thinking we’ll marry the perfect and we marry the imperfect, which is a real shock.
- If she’s looking towards external ways of connection, it’ll always fail if she can’t connect to herself. How do we connect to ourselves? It’s as simple as being present in every experience and recognizing our experience is designed by Hashem for me to grow.
- Start with once a day acknowledging how you’re feeling without pushing it away.
How can a woman improve communication in her marriage?
- 80% of communication is actually non-verbal; how we sit, look away, or move away. Usually a husband will know exactly what his wife wants, so what’s the problem? There are principles that need to be in place before communication. These are: acceptance, respect, trust, appreciation, resolution and time. Eg if we don’t accept our spouse’s behaviour or respect them, then our communication will show that.
- Communication is the symptom on top but we need to understand the health of what’s underneath.
How can women communicate their needs without being demanding?
- If someone is nearby, you speak quietly, if they’re further away you shout. When does a woman yell? Either when what she wants is far away or when her husband is far away.
- Often we approach our husband with our needs as a demand as opposed to a request.
- We should give over requests in a way that we deserve what we’re asking for, without justifying why we want it.
What are 3 top tips you’d give a woman to improve her marriage today?
- Really, there is no secret, just be kind to each other.
- Often, outside of the house we’re friendly and then we come into the house and let out our mood. But these are the people who mean the most. By smiling, we’re giving over an energy and making them feel safe.
- We have our pre-conceived ideas of how our husband will be, and instead of hearing him or seeing him in the moment, we switch to what we think he’ll do. Just stopping and listening without our judgement helps us see him. Instead of downloading our stories, let’s delete them. Stay curious, keep quiet and be with your marriage.
- Recognize that this marriage is designed for our growth. Pain points make us disconnect, but knowing that this pain point is our growth point makes us look inside and then connect.
