Off-the-derech child, you’re ruining my marriage!
Join Leah for a raw and reflective talk on keeping shalom bayis amidst such a challenge. So many are struggling and just about keeping a semblance of a relationship with their child. Too often, having an OTD child causes friction and ruptures in a marriage. Tune in as Leah sheds light on this painful topic.
Points to Ponder:
- No one can ever know why a child goes off, yet we beat ourselves up that it’s our fault. Don’t go there with the why, what matters is the how.
- A child needs to see closeness between their mother and father; there is nothing in the outside world that’s as tempting as that.
- Focus on shalom bayis. Pouring efforts into this will guarantee more brocha in the home.
- Plaguing yourself with guilt or blaming your husband will only poison your life. Instead, shift the focus from the kid to each other.
- Instead of lingering on the past, ask yourself: “What can I do right now to improve the situation?”
- Learning torah l’shma is Hashem’s biggest pride. As a parent we expect nachas, yet a parent with an off-the-derech child doesn’t have nachas. This is parenting l’shma.
- Taking care of your husband and shalom bayis means you can support each other through the difficulty with the child, instead of picking at each other.
- Shalom bayis is the key to all shalom, also shalom with your children.
5 mistakes we often make:
- #1 We think life shouldn’t be like this. This is unproductive- expectations are the secret to misery. Keep saying to yourself “Hashem knows best.”
- #2 We tie our identity to our lack of success with this child. Don’t let their bad choices be a reflection of you; you did the best you could.
- #3 We blame, usually our husband and also the school/bully/sibling. Blaming keeps us stuck. When we start blaming, instead ask yourself: “What can I do to improve things?”
- #4 Lack of simcha. An off-the-derech child can wear us down. This only makes a frum life less appealing to them. Loving your life (exactly as it is) brings untold joy to Hashem, and shifts your home. Appreciate each moment, even when in pain.
- #5 Incorrect focus. Stop focusing on the kid and focus on each other. It will make your husband happier, and you happier and the unified relationship can also help bring them back.
- The more you focus on shalom bayis, the more things will go well in your home.
Try This At Home:
Do actions for your husband to show he’s your priority.
