Overwhelmed? Impatient? Drained? …Kids!
Join Leah with Guest Speaker Ilyssa Bass as they discuss the relatable topic of keeping shalom bayis whilst raising complex kids. There may be struggles, but there are also strategies! Be inspired as you learn how to finally understand your child a little better, whilst keeping a harmonious home amidst the chaos.
Points to Ponder:
- Sometimes as parents we feel helpless. Traditional chinuchclasses might not seem to help.
- Kids are like million-piece puzzles; they’re so complex.
- Chinuchissues will inevitably get in the way of shalom bayis.
- Picture yourself as a RUG– a soft area with boundaries for kids. As parents, we are the rug; connected to the floor- grounded and a safe place for the child and chaos.
- R-Regulate– take a deep breath. If we’re in fight, flight or freeze we can’t communicate effectively. To regulate means to calm down and bring your adult-self back.
Practicing things outside the moment helps us use it in the heat of the moment. We need to educate ourselves and practice skills e.g. a mantra, breathing etc.
- U-Understand– what does this child need, more touch or less touch, more boundaries, what does their body need? What do they need emotionally- more connection or space? Cognitively? Socially? It’s about being in touch and understanding who they are and what their needs are. If we don’t understand ourselves first, then we can’t come with curiosity about our child.
- G-Guide– once we understand, we can guide. Our interactions with our children, parents and spouse is the most intimate conversation we have with Hashem. He shows us exactly what we need to work on through the people closest to us.
- In marriage, we’re aiming to get to a place of vulnerability and admitting we don’t know and we’re figuring it out together. There has to be a safety to say, “I don’t know!”
- Sometimes we think we lose ourselves when we have complex kids, when really they provide us with the most growth and make us more deeply human.
- Hold on to each other throughout the journey of parenting complex kids and experiment together.
