I’m trying to have shalom bayis but the kids just get in the way!
V’zakeini L’gadeil | RabbiDG.com https://share.google/yahn0XNXmA9PIMt3a
Join Leah with Guest Speaker Rabbi Daniel Glatstein and discover fresh insights and a new, deep understanding of how parenting should look. Ladies, there are gems here which will redefine your relationships and transform your home.
Parenting Tips:
- This sounds new and revolutionary, but it’s actually one of the oldest parenting methods. We see from Avraham Avinu that the same way we speak to G-d with humility, we need to speak to our children with humility.
- Most issues with children today is because they don’t feel valued by their parents. Speaking with humility makes them feel valued.
- Parents feel they need to exert authority to gain respect. But in fact, the kids will only show respect because they’re being forced. That’s not chinuch.
- Rav Pam said he became who he was because his mother never made demands of her children, she would ask her children softly: “Are you available to help me?”
- Part of shalom bayisis getting along with your kids.
- The Chidasays parents shouldn’t treat children like a son and daughter but like brothers and sisters.
- The job description as a parent is friend and supporter. If you want to know if you’re doing a good job as a parent, ask yourself if you’re being your child’s best friend.
Viewer’s Questions:
Sara: If I speak gently to my children, they ignore me. They only seem to listen when I shout. How can I speak respectfully to them when they’re disrespectful and ignore and ignore?
Words of the wise are listened to when they’re said gently.
Temima- I always try to have a soft and understanding approach to my children whilst having structure and rules. Lately, I feel like my teen is tough and I don’t want to start a power battle with him. How do I maintain my value of being softer whilst not letting him step all over me?
It’s an art of negotiation. Certain values are non-negotiable. Often when the other party feels you’re being stubborn, the child will reflect that stubbornness. Listen in at 13:24 to learn the art of appearing to give in without giving in. Show you understand their needs.
How do we counter the chutzpa?
Children today aren’t being chutzpa– what we think is chutzpa is often a child in pain.
When they see that we stay calm in the face of their chutzpa, it’s training them in derech eretz.
Tova: Bh I have a home full of kids and sometimes when things are flying and can use my teenage girls help they just lounge on the couch. I know it’s not their obligation because it’s not their responsibility but seeing them just chilling while I have so much going on is very difficult. Do I need to ignore it and work on myself? Any suggestions?
Show your child you value their down time and recognize they probably also had a hard day and then ask if they’d be available to help. The first step of love is knowing the person. We need to know our children and become their best friend.
Listen in at 19:09 to hear a shocking revelation which will change the way you chinuch!
Batsheva Rivka: You said that they behave in the way we interact with them- what if you ask a question respectfully and they snap back or respond grumpily. How can we stay friendly and respectful?
Part of being a friend is knowing that sometimes our friend might be feeling grumpy. So, respect their needs and give them what they need.
What can a woman tell herself in the heat of the moment?
Realize that is the moment you’ve been waiting for to teach your child derech eretz. Speak calmly and realize you used this opportunity to teach them a valuable lesson of how to keep your cool. Our tefillos are the most important ingredient to raising good children.
